In today’s world, being a great communicator will give you many advantages in business and personal life. The most successful people in the world are excellent communicators and connectors. These communication secrets have led to many financial and relational benefits for those that know them. Now you get to discover their secrets too.
If you’ve ever had a difficult time getting through to someone or connecting with someone at a deeper level, understanding the power of these secrets will change how you communicate. Forever.
The most effective leaders have the skill to understand how others are seeing the world and can walk into any situation and “read” the room. Then they are able to effectively communicate with anyone in the room. But how do they do this?
Either through study or through natural gifting, people that are excellent communicators and connectors have discovered the secrets of communication.
4 Different Styles
In the language of DISC, we are talking about four different Styles. These four styles represent 100% of the population. You can know for a fact that when you are interacting with anyone, they are behaving from a core of one (or more) of these four fundamental styles.
The four styles are Dominance (D-Style), Influence (I-Style), Steadiness (S-Style), and Conscientiousness (C-Style). When you have this information, it fundamentally will change how you communicate and connect with other people. To start, let’s look at the importance of treating others the way they want to do it and how to do it.
All You Need Is Two Questions To Identify Anyone’s Style
When trying to identify each style, it’s not as difficult as one may think. The best way to identify someone else’s style is to ask two questions. Ask these two questions relative to your own behaviors and you will be able to immediately better connect with others.
1) Is this person more open (expressive, open body language) or guarded (closed body language, less expressive) in relation to how I see myself?
2) Is this person more direct (telling rather than asking, straight to the point, fast to respond) or indirect (asking, listening, slower to respond) than me?
Once you have answers to these two questions, a majority of the time, you can pinpoint someone’s specific style. After you do this, you adapt your behavior toward theirs. For example, if they are faster than you, move a little faster. If they are more guarded than you, be a bit more guarded in your words and actions.
The graphic below helps you identify the style of the person you are interacting with or thinking about. For example, think of a close friend. If they are more guarded and less direct than you, your friend is likely a Conscientious Style. Using this simple process to identify people’s style and then adapting toward that style, will significantly change how you connect with others. In the following sections, we will look at the secrets to connect with each style.
Treat People How They Want To Be Treated
Secret 1 – Everyone wants to be treated in a manner similar to the way they act, think, and behave. In other words, treat others the way they want to be treated. Sometimes this means it will be contrary to how you want to be treated!
Secret 2 – All four styles present themselves in consistent ways to help you reliably identify which style is someone’s primary style.
Secret 3 – Each style has specific needs. Dominance Styles need problems. Influence Styles need interaction. Steady Styles need routine and safety. Conscientious Styles need information.
Secret 4 – The Dominance and Influence Styles prefer a fast pace, while the Steady and Conscientious Styles prefer a slower pace.
Secret 5 – The I-Style and S-Style are open and relational, while the D-Style and C-Style are guarded and task oriented. Make sure to respect their preference.
How To Connect With The Dominant Style Communicator
Secret 6 – When working with a Dominance Style make sure you give them the opportunity to be the decision maker.
Secret 7 – Help the D-Style learn to be more empathetic and patient.
Secret 8 – When communicating with D-Styles don’t waste their time. They are direct in their communication and desire to accomplish things quickly.
Secret 9 – Everyone can solve problems, but the higher intensity D-Styles are aggressive problem solvers. Give them the opportunity to save the day.
Secret 10 – Help the D-Style learn to be more empathetic and patient.
How To Connect With The Influencing Style Communicator
Secret 11 – When working with an Influencing Style it is best to praise them for the work that they personally do.
Secret 12 – When communicating with I-Styles expect to chat. They love to interact with people in open and engaging ways. Swap stories and opinions.
Secret 13 – When working with an I-Style they can be very emotional or intuitive. I-Styles choose to influence people with feelings, not facts. So don’t bore them with facts.
Secret 14 – Help the I-Style to recognize their emotions and how it affects their decisions. Also, help them to follow-through and see the details.
How To Connect With The Steady Style Communicator
Secret 15 – The Steady Style is an amazing listener and collaborator. Don’t expect them to share their opinion quickly. Respect this boundary and earn their trust.
Secret 16 – When communicating with S-Styles give them the opportunity to create stability and harmony in the situation. They are great at this. Remember, the S-Styles want or need safety.
Secret 17 – Help the S-Style to speak up and be more assertive. Their opinion and listening skills are extremely valuable and bring great insights.
Secret 18 – C and S-Styles need time to reflect or collaborate on an issue before they make a decision. Give them time and space to do this.
How To Connect With The Conscientious Style Communicator
Secret 19 – The Conscientious Style is very cautious in their decision-making process. Learn to use their cautious style to carefully way options.
Secret 20 – When working with a C-Style it is best to praise the result of the work they did. Praising them won’t be nearly as helpful to them.
Secret 21 – When communicating with C-Styles deliver logic, data, facts, and information. Opinion is a waste of their time and yours.
Secret 22 – Help the C-Style to be okay with not getting it perfect. Give them permission to make a decision without all the information.
We are all unique in the way we communicate but there are clear patterns of behavior and communication that you can learn to read and adapt to. When you take the time to answer the two questions above and adjust your own communication style and behavior, you will become a more effective communicator and a more influential communicator.
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